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Thursday, April 03, 2008
Ok. Deep, calming breaths... because I'm FREAKING OUT!!!! My recital
is one week from today and I SUCK. I suck, I blow chunks, I sounds like
shit, I can't get any runs, I'm nervous as hell, and I sweat. I shake,
get cold, sweat, and mess everything up. I've been working on the
Ibert for over a year and I sound like complete shit.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
During every rehersal with Patty and Nolen so far I've wanted to cry.
I almost did today and I feel like shit. I just want to curl up in a
ball and die. Or practice. But can I do either? No. I'm in this shit
hole of a computer lab (actually it's really nice) becasue I have a
paper due tomorrow. Tomorrow. Horray for me. Oh, by the way, thats
what I did Tuesday too. I took off work AND spent every bit of time I
had up until 1am writing ANOTHER paper that was due today. GAH! It's my
own fault because I procrastinated, but what the hell. Why did I
schedule my recital during such a shitty time. This sucks.
I complain, which is stupid. And people are like "you'll do fine" and
I'm like no I won't. If I were them I'd say the same thing. But, I
want them so say, wow you're so busy I can't believe it. You work
yourself too hard. Take it easy and calm and you're recital will be
great. Even if you make mistakes, just keep chugging and don't think
about it."
I guess thats what I shoud say to myself.
I am so stressed and freaking out. Also, I have to praactice for the
JAZZ FESTIVAL that is TOMORROW!!!! There is still stuff I suck on and
I'm the lead for christ's sake. What the hell.
Ok for my sake:
10 music history
11 lesson
12-2 WS
2 quartet w/ nolen
3 eat??
4 Symp winds
5-7 work jazz
Practice JAZZ & recital stuff
tomorrow will suck too. I was supposed to go out with people I work
with for the first time on Wednesday but I had homework that I did
until midnight. Thankfully I got to see Pat. I've feel like I haven't
seen him at all this week. Oh man it's already thrusday... So,
Saturday, jazz fest like all frickin day. Sunday, 9AM work with c&i
group for a project due TUESDAY, 2-4 work with nolen and patty, 5pm
meeting, then probably more c&i because it's going to take
forever. Then on Monday I have a double reeds playing test, a
percussion written and playing test, music history listening quiz. Wed
I have a music history exam. Holy shit. Life really sucks right now.
And even after all this shit, there is something going on every
weekened until school gets out (or until after commencement). What is
crazy is that school WILL get out soon. About a month. crazy. I hope I
don't slack, which I am prone to doing. I'm not doing so hot in music
history or mostly, georgraphy. Ugh. I just need to study more, but I
hate doing that too.
Whatever. I need to write this damn paper. I'll put on Pandora and hopfully it won't take long (not)
Posted at 7:33 pm by SeaFoamGreen
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Facebook me!
Pandora Radio
"Gray would be the color.. if I had a heart"
"Die young and save yourself"
"And she whispers into the mirror...(I'm broken)"
"You don't see me at all"
"We don't want the loonies taking over"
"You say you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed"
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love, sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way, of what I feel I really needed to say"
"We're just blind pilots, in strange planes. Back seat drivers, in dead cars"
"Counting bodies like sheep (go back to sleep) to the rhythm of the war drums
"
"I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel"
"I'm just tired of counting bodies, is this mausoleum tardy? Let's just paint you a pretty face"
"You are no good. Cause I know you can`t sleep, til you know your overbearance makes me creep"
"Your the good things. Yeah thats you, yeah thats you, yeah.
"No matter what we say, no matter what we think, we will never, will never leave this room. What are we going to do about this?"
"When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet"
"Tell all the boys and girls from school, to keep breaking all the rules, to let their parents know their anger"
"Squirming through cuts in a throat. Cut it! Cut it!"
"Cut out my eyes to spite my heart, wish for sleep but never stopping, assignments pile up. "
"Any fool can easy pick a hole. I only wish I could fall in"
"Never leave
me paralyzed, love. Leave me hypnotized, love."
"Dancing on the corpses' ashes"
"Here I am expecting just a little bit, too much from the wounded. But I see through it all and see you."
"Now we're all the terminal cases, but were so determined to thrive. And those with defeat on their faces,
are those that we must keep alive"
"Chemicals will hit you. Chemicals will knock you down"
"Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours. She even poked the holes so I can breath."
"So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Apparently nothing. You don't see me. You don't see me at all."
"Do you remember that when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did."
"I'm gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me"
"A million nights in my silent room. I wanna learn all the right words I never knew. The saddest things I put you through. I got to hold you soon I'm asking you."
"Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."
"I'm comfortable apart, it's all written on my chart, and I take what's given me most cooperatively. I do what people say and lie in bed all day, absolutely horrified, I hope you're satisfied."
"She ate me up for breakfast, she screwed me in a vice. But now I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"
Stuff I like:
90 Day Men
A Perfect Circle
Alkaline Trio
Anathallo
Armor For Sleep
At The Drive-In
Audiovent
Barry Manilow
Bear vs Shark
Blink-182 [the newer cd]
Brand New
The Bravery
Brazil
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Cake
Cave In
Coheed and Cambria
Coldplay
John Coltrane
Cursive
Miles Davis
Deftones
Dream Theater
Dresden Dolls
Duke Ellington
The Early November
Elliot Smith
The Faint
Fog
From Autumn to Ashes
Further Seems Forever
Gerry Mulligan
Gladiator soundtrack
Glassjaw
Godspeed You Black Emperor
Goo Goo Dolls
Heartland Jazz Orchestra
David Holsinger
Gustav Holst
Incubus
Interpol
The Junior Varsity
Ken Burns Jazz
Kenna
Kenny Garrett
Theodore Kerkezos
The Killers
Luca Brasi
Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mr.Bungle
Mum
Murder By Death
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Nine Inch Nails
Norah Jones
The Notwist
Oasis
Offspring (old)
Opeth
OSI
Perfect Circle
Pinback
Psapp
Q And Not U
Radiohead
Sahara Hotnights
Sevendust
Sėgur Ros
Smashing Pumpkins
Spoon
The Stills
The Strokes
Taking Back Sunday>br>Tenacious D
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
Tori Amos
The Unicorns
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
~Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"This is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse.
~ C.S. Lewis
Gigging Proverb: The more you drink, the less we stink!!
"If you want to keep a friend, never criticize his family, religion, politics, or intonation."
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