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Saturday, June 12, 2004
Dancin on the corpses ashes.
Blah. Thats about it folks. I don't know what I'm doing, or why I feel how I feel... but maybe things will get better from here. I've hurt and I hurt. And my feelings are confusing as usual. I think that Bryan and I are just friends (so please stop harassing me about it), it will make things easier.
Well I'm going away for a week, miss me! :) I'll have fun though.. it will be nice to get away from all of the everyday crap. ya kno. I still havn't packed and I'm leaving tomorrow at 7am & I have work 2-6 and then cindys graduation party. oops. I took the ACT for the 2nd time this morning.. how stressful. Blak.
So yesterday the whole posse was @ Jills playing DDR, and we were all sweaty and such (+ it's really hot outside) so we wanted to go swimming, but everyone in Tinley that had pools had some kinda conflict not letting us go to their pool. So we went to Lansing to swim @ Bryans. & after an hour car ride (damn traffic), we were in his misquito infested yard swimming. Later some of his friends came over. Jeremy, Jason, Brett, Sam, & Noel. It was funny because Bryan and I knew all of them but they were like "who the hell are you?". I know Noel doesnt read this so i can talk about him if i want to. + I don't really care. I havn't seen him in.. a month, so it was sorta like "huh?" "what the...". Yar... dot dot dot.... dot..... dooooootttttt...... *makes farting nosie* stinky. :) hehe. I'm a dork. So anyways, i got the balls to talk to him. Thats my story lol. I left you in crazy anticipation didn't I. hehe.
So I really really want this computer in my room. I'm the only one that uses it, my brothers is in his room, and we have wireless connection. So poop. All I do is listen to music/DL music and talk to my friends. I don't like who-ever being able to come downstairs and stare over my shoulder.
... feelings.. nothing more than feelings... trying to forget my... feelings of HATE! Imagine... beating on your face... trying to forget my... feelings of HATE! hehe. thats actually some really old song of couse they say "love" instead of hate.. but in the Offspring song "Feelings", they changed it up a bit.
So... my phone just rang and I opened it and it just.. stopped. Ya, maybe someone hung up ... but it doesn't even say "1 missed call". hmm.
... dum de dum... I'm glad I'm going away... away from alll of this .. work.. scheduling lessons.. friends being mushy... boys. But you know what sucks? When I come back from this camp thingy... everythings just going to be thrown into motion. Marching band starts, I start giving lessons, I'll have more hours at work. Just poopy.
I hope I havn't turned into Ed Lesniak.. I think I said last night that I need someone cuz I get lonely. lol. I don't want to be one of those ppl that need a boyfriend. Cuz I'm not all pathetic and stuff... I think. Well, I'll just blame it on all of my friends having boyfriends. Well not all of them do.. but I'll blame it on them anyways. :)
Aren't these colors getting ugly? I was trying to do a shade of red, a shade of blue.. but it just got gross. Well.. so I'm gonna go cuz I got work soon (blah, hopfully it will cheer me up) and to stop tortuing you with these colors.
Posted at 1:27 pm by SeaFoamGreen
 | | | Bryan- I used my real name (?)
June 14, 2004 02:55 PM PDT
My aunt is an artist, and when you've painted with her, you can't think of any color as ugly, everything is just as vibrant as the next, painting with feeling makes the world beautiful. | |
| | | Bryan.... No Bryana,
June 13, 2004 01:15 PM PDT
The Phone call was me, I might have accidently hung up cause I was trying to hold onto my phone... My master plan was to call you on the way up the raging bull... in the car, going to 190 feet, then Trying to talk as normal as possible while I was going down, and see if you could figure it out, but it went straight to your answering machine, so I hung up and shoved my phone in a cargo pocket, then Yelled "DRAGON BALL Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" | |
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Pandora Radio
"Gray would be the color.. if I had a heart"
"Die young and save yourself"
"And she whispers into the mirror...(I'm broken)"
"You don't see me at all"
"We don't want the loonies taking over"
"You say you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed"
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love, sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way, of what I feel I really needed to say"
"We're just blind pilots, in strange planes. Back seat drivers, in dead cars"
"Counting bodies like sheep (go back to sleep) to the rhythm of the war drums
"
"I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel"
"I'm just tired of counting bodies, is this mausoleum tardy? Let's just paint you a pretty face"
"You are no good. Cause I know you can`t sleep, til you know your overbearance makes me creep"
"Your the good things. Yeah thats you, yeah thats you, yeah.
"No matter what we say, no matter what we think, we will never, will never leave this room. What are we going to do about this?"
"When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet"
"Tell all the boys and girls from school, to keep breaking all the rules, to let their parents know their anger"
"Squirming through cuts in a throat. Cut it! Cut it!"
"Cut out my eyes to spite my heart, wish for sleep but never stopping, assignments pile up. "
"Any fool can easy pick a hole. I only wish I could fall in"
"Never leave
me paralyzed, love. Leave me hypnotized, love."
"Dancing on the corpses' ashes"
"Here I am expecting just a little bit, too much from the wounded. But I see through it all and see you."
"Now we're all the terminal cases, but were so determined to thrive. And those with defeat on their faces,
are those that we must keep alive"
"Chemicals will hit you. Chemicals will knock you down"
"Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours. She even poked the holes so I can breath."
"So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Apparently nothing. You don't see me. You don't see me at all."
"Do you remember that when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did."
"I'm gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me"
"A million nights in my silent room. I wanna learn all the right words I never knew. The saddest things I put you through. I got to hold you soon I'm asking you."
"Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."
"I'm comfortable apart, it's all written on my chart, and I take what's given me most cooperatively. I do what people say and lie in bed all day, absolutely horrified, I hope you're satisfied."
"She ate me up for breakfast, she screwed me in a vice. But now I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"
Stuff I like:
90 Day Men
A Perfect Circle
Alkaline Trio
Anathallo
Armor For Sleep
At The Drive-In
Audiovent
Barry Manilow
Bear vs Shark
Blink-182 [the newer cd]
Brand New
The Bravery
Brazil
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Cake
Cave In
Coheed and Cambria
Coldplay
John Coltrane
Cursive
Miles Davis
Deftones
Dream Theater
Dresden Dolls
Duke Ellington
The Early November
Elliot Smith
The Faint
Fog
From Autumn to Ashes
Further Seems Forever
Gerry Mulligan
Gladiator soundtrack
Glassjaw
Godspeed You Black Emperor
Goo Goo Dolls
Heartland Jazz Orchestra
David Holsinger
Gustav Holst
Incubus
Interpol
The Junior Varsity
Ken Burns Jazz
Kenna
Kenny Garrett
Theodore Kerkezos
The Killers
Luca Brasi
Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mr.Bungle
Mum
Murder By Death
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Nine Inch Nails
Norah Jones
The Notwist
Oasis
Offspring (old)
Opeth
OSI
Perfect Circle
Pinback
Psapp
Q And Not U
Radiohead
Sahara Hotnights
Sevendust
Sėgur Ros
Smashing Pumpkins
Spoon
The Stills
The Strokes
Taking Back Sunday>br>Tenacious D
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
Tori Amos
The Unicorns
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
~Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"This is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse.
~ C.S. Lewis
Gigging Proverb: The more you drink, the less we stink!!
"If you want to keep a friend, never criticize his family, religion, politics, or intonation."
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