I'm gonna go to sleep. Let this wash all over me.

Force fed everytime.My tongue everytime.Why are the words nonsense?



Monday, September 05, 2005
Today is the day of Monday that is today which is the 5th of Monday's September.

Ah... Labor Day weekend. How stupid. Well, I suppose that is only because pep band was involved. Friday, I subed in for some kid and played for the volleyball team @ 7pm. And then Saturday I went to my normal game time at noon AND at 7pm. After that.. I went home and arrived at about 11pm. Yeah.. Glorious.  Sunday, Sara & Jenny came on over and we made pancakes, then I went and ate more food at my grandmas house where I was harassed for about 3 hours on how school is.
Grandma: How's school?
Good.. I'm really enjoying my music classes but I hate waking up early
Aunt Kim: So how's school been?
Pretty good.. I hate waking up early. Some of my classes are annoying but I really like my music classes.
Uncel Rich: How's ISU treatin' ya?
Good.. my early classes suck like Psychology, but I really like my music classes.
Grandpa: Whats the hardest thing to get used to at college?
Uh... .. um... nothing really...

Plus, on the way there I told my parents in the car all about this stuff, and band, and classes, and blah blah blah blah.

Aunt Kim: Hey if we send ya a package what do u want?
I dont know.
Uncle Rich: How bout some chips?
Not really..
Uncle Rich: Pop?
Not really.. I dont exactly drink pop anymore
Aunt Kim: Candy?
Not really... I'm trying to cut down on all of that stuff...
Aunt Kim & Uncle Rich: Ah.. well we'll find somethin
Ok.. Thanks.

Yea. that was my night. Then afterward I was supposed to hang with my friend Jill but then she said she has work in the morning. So ok. Ended up hanging with Sara Cheryl & Jen for a bit then Sean.
When I was leaving I told my parents were I was going then I said "I'm in college now so.. I dont have a curfue right? ehh? ehh?" My dad: I don't care just dont come home at 3am. Mom: Call me at like midnight and tell me where u are and what time u think you are going to be home.  Sweet deal. So I blast my music and get in a good mood. Later I have red bull.. never had Red Bull before. Hmm.

I should really find some interesting things to talk about some day. Rather than.. I ate toast... I could rant about stuff.. but... that would involve people getting a little ticked off. oops

So now I'm bored. Today I have nothing to do. A boring monday. At least I dont have class right? I'm leaving at about 5:30 so it aint bad. I went to bed around 2:45am when I got home and I woke up at like noon when my parents left to got to a picnic lol. Yea for sleeping in. I think I would of gone crazy if I stayed at ISU because there are hardly anyone left there. I would have paced the hallway lol. I'm glad I came home because my grandma gave me awesome cookies and there are a buncha tomatoes at my house from my grandparents too. Mmm.. tomatoes. :)

Friday, September 02, 2005
I should be allowed to wear high heels

I'm not sure why I'm writing. I feel like it. No one reads this anyways lol. I dont really care though.

Com110/the teacher is the devil.
Reason #1: Our teacher is a grad student (shes like 21!). way too young.
Reason #2: She gives us homework everyday
Reason #3: We have stupid in-class group work
Reason #4: She wants us to print out her bizillon page syllabus
Reason #5: Expects us to have read the bizillion page syllabus
Reason #6: Seems really nice but when she doesn't get her way.. RAR!!
Reason #7: We have to have a book, spiral, notebook, and folder
Reason #8: Expects us to have read chapters in the book (that was in the sylabus)
Reason #9: Gets mad and continues to give us a pop quiz on the crap we didnt read
Reason #10: Tells some random girl that "omg I cant look at you today because you are wearing a Sox jearsey"
Reason #11: She dresses up and then wears the crappies flip flops I have ever seen
Reason #12: Pulls up a projection, reads it, and then says "everyone got it? good" (we better not be tested on that crap)
Reason #13: I turned in a paper for her to proofread it before it's really due and she scheduled a time but she didn't ask me when it would be ok for me. She just gave me a time
Reason #14: After any responce, or any presentation, she always says "good, good". Drives me nuts!

Com sucks.. it really really sucks (la la la lalala).

But I really enjoy Chem. Itsn't that crazy? For the past.. many years.. I've always liked English and hated Science.  You know what it is? My crazy teacher.. Otis. He's so great. He does a cool experiment every class period. Even though he talks really fast.. hes a cool guy.

My Psychology class? Well.. I'm usualy sleeping. It's a 300+ lecture class at 8am. What else is there to do? lol

As far as music classes go.. :D  Theory, Basic Musicanship, Band. I love it! I really enjoy my theory and musicianship class. Musicianship not as much because we are doing solfege.. evil. For those two I have the exact same people in my class and its fun. :)  And band.. well.. band rocks. period.

Monday, August 29, 2005
I just found this. I wrote it my Junior year the assignment was "gothic tale"

         I wouldn’t say I’m a believer in any sort of phantasm, but after what happened to me, I think you should think twice about what people say.  I remember the exact day that it all started.  It was the day I went to one of those cheap fortunetellers.  I was downtown wandering around after getting out from my job late and I figured I’d look around and catch the next train.  I happened to walk by one of these types of magic voodoo stores.  I always thought of those places to be a little odd but I was bored and had some money to spend.  I decided to give it a look and have my fortune read.  I walked into the poorly lit dark purple room.  It was very small and musty and there was no one in sight.  I tapped the little bell that was on a table near the entrance of the store.  No one came so I started to walk around looking at all of the shrunken heads, herbal incenses, and random magic trick supplies.  I though to myself how easy it would be to steal something and I picked up a skull of some kind of small animal examining it close to my body. 

Suddenly a little woman (also in dark purple) was standing somewhere behind me and asked conspicuously, “Can I help you?”  I jumped and put the skull back and clambered quickly to the woman that barely was the height of my chest.  Looking down, I asked her if I could get my fortune read.  She motioned me to follow her and she walked into a draping rug that led into a backroom that I never noticed.  We both sat down across from each other and she pulled my hands onto a table.  I swear we were sitting there for at least five minutes and I started to yawn since I had work early that morning.

“Common lady, I’ve got a train to catch.  What’s taking so long?” I said.  She paused then gave me a glare.  I’ll never forget what she said next. 

“You will die tomorrow and there will be nothing you can do about it”.  I inscrutability left not leaving any room for me to question her.  How dare this odious woman rip me off and say something like that.

First of all, I didn’t believe this scrawny old lady for five bucks.  It did freak me out a little though because normal people don’t go around saying that to others.  I was almost late for the train when I got down to the station.  I was running to the front car that I always sit in and I was almost to the door when I tripped.  My face smashed into the side of the train so when I came back to my senses I noticed blood dripping down my head.  One of the conductors came over to me and asked if I was all right.  I said yes but my head was pounding.  He saw me fall and he said that I almost fell 4 foot down between the train and the cement on the tracks.  He helped me onto the train and I sat with a rag to my head while everyone stared at me.  I then realized that I could have died if I would have fallen on those tracks.  I tried to expound this thought in my head that I was going to die.  I wasn’t going to die tomorrow because that’s ridiculous. 

The smell inside of the train was of rotting flesh and it made me nauseous.  I fumbled in my pocket and took some pain relievers.  I swallowed them hard while making faces from the taste.  I looked to my right and saw a large dorky man come and sit next to me.  Out of all of the other seats he could of sat in, the fat slob had to sit by me.  You could see the grease dripping off of his toupee.  With his plaid shirt that was tight around his gut and his work pants tinctured brown he seemed normal.  I tried to decide what the man did for a living.  I decided that either he is a janitor and a kleptomaniac or unemployed.  Either way, he didn’t seem normal to me and it made me conspicuous of him.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe in this horrid place.  This man was consuming all of my oxygen.  He’s trying to take all of my oxygen so I can’t breathe.  The blood dripping from my skull made my vision blurry.  I took my pills out again and took some more.  I kept thinking about that woman and her purple store. 

I must have passed out because I was suddenly woken by the train conductor.  This man wasn’t the friendly conductor that helped me before because his grip was firm and rigid.  He probably though I was some useless drunk.  I asked him what town this was and his response was mumble to me.  I had no idea what town I was in.  I noticed the greasy man that was stealing my oxygen tying his large shoe before leaving the station.  I decided to find a taxi.  Realizing that this was a small hick town I decided to head for a hotel that I saw signs for a few miles away.  I started walking down the street towards civilization and I heard footsteps behind me.  It didn’t really bother me at first but about ten minutes later when I still heard the constant stepping of a stranger footfalls getting faster then slowing down and repeating, I started to freak out.  I could feel the drum beats of his huge shoes banging against my rib cage.  It seemed like forever that I was walking with this pulsing click behind me. 

I decide to turn down a street so I can get a view of what this stalker looks like.  Out of the corner of my eye I see the greasy toupee with the stained brown pants.  The oxygen stealer wanted something more.  I try walking fast and faster and this man seems so persistent he won’t leave me alone.  My head is pounding so I take another pill.  I think about the old cruel lady in purple.  “You will die tomorrow and there will be nothing you can do about it.”  I suddenly double over in pain and I can see the greasy man coming up behind me through my legs.  He is saying something to me.  I start to straighten out and trot down the street.  He starts yelling something and waving his arms.  The oxygen stealer is getting close.  What could he want from me?  “You will die tomorrow...” is ringing in my ears.  I suddenly tumble to the ground and my knee makes a popping sound.  I check my watch and it’s 11:59pm.  I’ve been running from this killer for an hour!  I look behind me and see the greasy fat man running towards me screaming yet I cannot hear his words.  I look around franticly for something to throw at him to get him away but there is nothing.  I fumbled to my feet just in time and escaped his raging grasp.  I decided to make a sprint across the street hoping that it would get me away.  I dragged myself to the middle of the street and looked behind me and suddenly it was black.  No noise, no pain, no nothing.  Darkness. 

The news was all over the small friendly town the next day.  “Crazed man runs in front of semi-truck,” they said.  The interviewed a man that was coming home from his late night job of a janitor to his wife and kids at home.  He apparently saw the whole thing happen.  The police said the next day that they think the man had over dosed on prescription drugs.  That old woman might have been right, but at least I was right about one thing. He was a janitor. 


Friday, August 26, 2005
Sara & I = dumb

So Sara and I got onto the elevator today after picking up our mail in the lobby. We were talking about how Sara got some mail from someone and she has no idea who it is. Then about 20 seconds later the doors open, somebody gets on, but we were still on floor 1! I was very confused. We apparently forgot to press our floor button  lol Then we continued to tell this random guy that got on how we are idiots. Sara also told him about her random mail (like he cares). haha  I made fun of her for telling him but then when we got off on our floor she told some people standing there too. hahah We laughed... together... at sara..

I got  band tonight but otherwise nothing until then. I'll probably sleep because I'm a bum. or do my HW. Gregs coming in tonight. And theres a party tonight.   Late night either way :-P


Monday, August 22, 2005
ISU

So I'm here! I just completed my week of band camp hell! I'm sunburnt, sore, and tired. But I really enjoyed it and met a bunch of new people so I'm happy. (except no cute guys yet!) Today was my 1st day of classes and it wasn't bad at all, obviously it wont be bad for a while lol.  Well, my roomate moved out so I'm the only one in my room now. Feel free to visit me and/or call me.

Tata


Monday, August 08, 2005
It looks like I'm bored again.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Heather
2. Hojo
3. Sexy Momma (haha jk)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. SeaFoamGreen87
2. MatrixChick87
3. Someone135

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes
2. hair (most of the time)
3. boobs

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. waist
2. hands
3. hair (sometimes)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Having no-one to love/be loved by

2. Rejection
3. Dying alone

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Eyeliner
2. Car

3. MP3 player & Cell phone

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Capris
2. District #140 Band T-shirt
3. A sports bra

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Radiohead
2. Nine Inch Nails
3. Smashing Pumpkins.  Those are the classics.. but look over there -----> for the rest

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. oh man...  lol  ...thats impossible
2. 
3. 

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. True love
2. Best friends
3. Sence of humor/funny!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I like scrawny boys
2. I love the color pink
3. my name is heather lol

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Height!!
2. Likes good music
3. Hair

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. playing my sax
2. talking online that leads to...
3. Chilling with people

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Eat tacos
2. Go shopping
3. Kiss

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Private lessons & instrument repair
2. Band teacher
3. music teacher at an elementry or JR high school

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. California / New York
2. Europe in general
3. Some tropical place

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Squiggle
2. Splat
3. Scrooge    :D

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Have kids & a husband
2. Bungee jump
3. Have a good job

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I drink Beer
2. I hate shaving my legs lol
3. A lot of the time I dont give a shit what I look like :P  & I only have 4 pairs of shoes (that I wear)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I like to shop
2. I care what my hair looks like
3. I hardly ever leave home w/o some eyeliner on  & I have a purse lol

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Conan O'Brien
2. Ferris Bruler
3.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. my dog
2. YOU
3. my invisible fish


Sunday, July 31, 2005
*sigh*

Sorry for this being so emo! I had Muse on in the car yesterday going to work (oh man I was on register and I saw so many happily married couples), hoping to liven things a little since its mostly an upbeat CD. Except for this song.  I know I shouldn't compare my life to songs blah blah blah.. but this one works & I don't need to explain why.


I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I feel my world crumbling
I feel my life crumbling
I feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

all of the love we threw away
all of the hopes we cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

I can feel my world crumbling
I can feel my life crumbling
I can feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

all of the love we've left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find

Saturday, July 30, 2005
Murder By Death

The frames on the walls are crooked and empty.
These shoulders bend low towards the dirt.
I made a deal to get us out of this place
but I am falling apart with each step I take and as the pieces fall
I count them all.
~Murder by Death - Pillars of Salt
Only two more whole weeks... only 14 days (since I'm going on Sunday now).  I can't wait. I can be free from everything.  I'm not saying I won't think about it.. (because if you know me..) I will. A lot.  But.. as time goes on.. you know. I just hope I don't become an idiot. (party!)
My grandma & grandpa came over yesterday.. my grandma told me that I should keep my standards high because she thought Bryan was such a good guy. But she said to not back down. My uncle was married for 2 years and then his wife decided she wanted to be single again... but 6 months after the divorce she came crawling back.. and my uncle said no way. 
haha my grandpa told me "You know Heather... around.. around thanksgiving.. thanksgiving time... some boy is going to ask you to go somewhere... and you can say Yes!! You don't have to say no!"  haha. He's so silly. It sounds like hes saying that if a guy wants me to go somewhere with him on thanksgiving break. But he means just like going out bowling or whatever.. and he needed a time that wasn't like "when you get to college", more like "after a while".  Funny guy.
Its weird.. every time I suddenly become single.. there is a party. Well.. it seems like it.   Maybe not right away.. but I'm still feeling crappy(angry?) or whatever when the party is going down. It's not like I went crazy at these parties or anything.. well.. I wasn't a slut. After Doser there was Myannas & after Noel there was the superbowl party.  After Ed.. well I was in 8th grade lol Maybe you can consider band camp a party? ha. O.. I guess there was that one Fagan kid. eww.
Anyways...  I plugged the waterfall.. I now I guess I have a lake lol.  It leaks sometimes... but I really hope the plug is strong. So I'm not practically convulsing, feeling like I'm dying. I hate it.  I guess the tables have turned finally, right?
I'll leave a trail of fire across this desert just to see the desperation in your eyes.
You think you've suffered well you ain't seen shit yet, the pain won't set in for a long long time.
~Murder by Death - The Desert is on Fire

Thursday, July 28, 2005
:(

Blah.
Poop.
Shit.
Fuck.

Blah.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Art is hard

Man.. making music is hard.  I mean.. I can have some creative thing in my head.. and I get it down.. and its like maybe 3 measures... then I usually can get about 8. I got about 15 this time.. and other I got is about 6... and thats it.  I have tons of scraps of music laying around. A little piece here and there. But its all different and can't fit together. And I can't expand what I'm doing.. I get an idea and thats it... I can't continue it. It gets boring and repitive.. or I can't find chords or something. Last night I was up until about 2am on the piano.. I decided not to do that tonight because I am tired.. so I stopped at 1240.  When you think about it.. listen to a piece of music... and think... hey.. that doesnt sound too hard. Just get a melody.. maybe some harmonies and cross melodys and your set. Gets some chords and wa-la!!!  Not that simple.  I relish Bryans talents (even though its mostly chord patterns.. but it sounds really impressive).. but I don't even have that. I have basic music skills.. I can plunk a few lines.. then I can write it down. Then it just looks like notes that go nowhere.. start nowhere... end nowhere. But it sounds cool :)


FYI: "Art is hard".. thats cursive in case you didn't (and I know you didn't) catch it  :P

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"Gray would be the color.. if I had a heart"

"Die young and save yourself"

"And she whispers into the mirror...(I'm broken)"

"You don't see me at all"

"We don't want the loonies taking over"

"You say you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed"

"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love, sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way, of what I feel I really needed to say"

"We're just blind pilots, in strange planes. Back seat drivers, in dead cars"

"Counting bodies like sheep (go back to sleep) to the rhythm of the war drums "

"I wake up and think dreams are real, I sleep so I don't have to feel"

"I'm just tired of counting bodies, is this mausoleum tardy? Let's just paint you a pretty face"

"You are no good. Cause I know you can`t sleep, til you know your overbearance makes me creep"

"Your the good things. Yeah thats you, yeah thats you, yeah.

"No matter what we say, no matter what we think, we will never, will never leave this room. What are we going to do about this?"

"When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet"

"Tell all the boys and girls from school, to keep breaking all the rules, to let their parents know their anger"

"Squirming through cuts in a throat. Cut it! Cut it!"

"Cut out my eyes to spite my heart, wish for sleep but never stopping, assignments pile up. "

"Any fool can easy pick a hole. I only wish I could fall in"

"Never leave me paralyzed, love. Leave me hypnotized, love."

"Dancing on the corpses' ashes"

"Here I am expecting just a little bit, too much from the wounded. But I see through it all and see you."

"Now we're all the terminal cases, but were so determined to thrive. And those with defeat on their faces, are those that we must keep alive"

"Chemicals will hit you. Chemicals will knock you down"

"Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours. She even poked the holes so I can breath."

"So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Apparently nothing. You don't see me. You don't see me at all."

"Do you remember that when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did."

"I'm gonna go to sleep Let this wash all over me"

"A million nights in my silent room. I wanna learn all the right words I never knew. The saddest things I put you through. I got to hold you soon I'm asking you."

"Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."

"I'm comfortable apart, it's all written on my chart, and I take what's given me most cooperatively. I do what people say and lie in bed all day, absolutely horrified, I hope you're satisfied."

"She ate me up for breakfast, she screwed me in a vice. But now I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"

   

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Stuff I like:

90 Day Men
A Perfect Circle
Alkaline Trio
Anathallo
Armor For Sleep
At The Drive-In
Audiovent
Barry Manilow
Bear vs Shark
Blink-182 [the newer cd]
Brand New
The Bravery
Brazil
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Cake
Cave In
Coheed and Cambria
Coldplay
John Coltrane
Cursive
Miles Davis
Deftones
Dream Theater
Dresden Dolls
Duke Ellington
The Early November
Elliot Smith
The Faint
Fog
From Autumn to Ashes
Further Seems Forever
Gerry Mulligan
Gladiator soundtrack
Glassjaw
Godspeed You Black Emperor
Goo Goo Dolls
Heartland Jazz Orchestra
David Holsinger
Gustav Holst
Incubus
Interpol
The Junior Varsity
Ken Burns Jazz
Kenna
Kenny Garrett
Theodore Kerkezos
The Killers
Luca Brasi
Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mr.Bungle
Mum
Murder By Death
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Nine Inch Nails
Norah Jones
The Notwist
Oasis
Offspring (old)
Opeth
OSI
Perfect Circle
Pinback
Psapp
Q And Not U
Radiohead
Sahara Hotnights
Sevendust
Sìgur Ros
Smashing Pumpkins
Spoon
The Stills
The Strokes
Taking Back Sunday>br>Tenacious D
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
Tori Amos
The Unicorns
Yeah Yeah Yeahs


"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
~Monty Python and The Holy Grail

"This is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse.”
~ C.S. Lewis

Gigging Proverb: The more you drink, the less we stink!!

"If you want to keep a friend, never criticize his family, religion, politics, or intonation."


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