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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Doctor doctor wont you fix me?
It's bugging me, grating me
And twisting me around
Yeah I'm endlessly caving in
And turning inside out
'Cause I want it now
I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm breaking out
I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control
It's holding me, morphing me
And forcing me to strive
To be endlessly cold within
And dreaming I'm alive
'Cause I want it now
I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm breaking down
I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control
And I want you now
I want you now
I'll feel my heart implode
And I'm breaking out
Escaping now
Feeling my faith erode
Muse~Hysteria
Its driving me crazy.. I'm trying to find this song I had on in my car that totally reminded me of Bryan, but I can't find it now. ugh. I got this one which is good.. but not the one I'm looking for. Gah! I can't sleep until I find it! lol
So everyone is going to Chicago tomorrow.. actually like 6 hours... except me. It sucks. But my grandparents 50th wedding anniversity party is here tomorrow..er.. today... and my cousins are coming in from Ohio. So that should be exciting. The party will just about die about 7 or 8. Everyone will be gone by then.. so its 3pm-8pm basically. Way to be in the middle of my day. *sigh* And on the 4th of July I work! So i cant see my friends & do all the fun stuff with them until like 1030 :( It makes me sad. So depressing lately... I was really considering walking out of work today and driving to Lansing. Maybe I'll quit... naw... cuz I know i'd regret it later. Blah. I miss Bryan. :( g'nite.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Love,
Heather :)
P.S- hehehehehehehehehe
 
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Dreams do come true... literally.
Man.. i was in a good mood, and now look.
I told my parents over "dinner" that on the 4th my friends are spending the night at brennas after the fireworks. so my dad said "i dont think you should go sleep over at brennas after the 4th because u get this notion that u can stay out all night". i looked confused and my mom said "u did that once before".
yea. so im like "ok, i couldnt go see spider man, i cant even see the fireworks on the 4th cuz im working til 1130, and i can't go with all of my friends to chicago to see greg on the 3rd."
Blah.
Meat Wildstorm: Tell your mom that if you can't go to brennas you're gonna ditch Clarinet Choir :D
ha, like that would work
SeaFoamGreen87: i'm gonna go if they let me or not
SeaFoamGreen87: i'm tired of missing out
Meat Wildstorm: ok ill make sure they know its my fault
Meat Wildstorm: Ill kidnap you
.... my mom just came downstairs. she asked if i was going to clarinet choir and i used the "only if i can go to brennas". "when?" "4th of july" "yea i guess, as long as if i like call there u will be there". "yea of course"
*shrugs*
looks like another pointless blog
[hehe]
(As for the title... it has nothing to do with this blog. its just too personal and cute/mushy to put in here ;o) but I'm a very, very happy girl. This much)
---------> http://www.livejournal.com/users/thelastguardian/
An incredibly amazing mind at work!!
So i was looking for a picture of a candy bar to put on the "music passed off" chart that i made for the saxes [i failed and ended up making my own sorta-looking-like candy bar], and i came apon this and thought it was real funny. I guess these two guys had a huge candy bar and decided to walk around town and take dumb pictures with it, then give the pictures captions. so here's a few.
John walking amoung the pigeons...with the candy bar.
Chris having a special moment...with the candy bar.
John and I were both very tired after our day in the city, thankfully the candy bar drove us home.
Monday, June 28, 2004
I was looking for happines in all the wrong places, when it was staring me right in the face.
When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet.
In this room I'm sitting by your side.
It rains for hours and the phone is off its hook.
Standing on the edge, casting lots to set me up before you knock me down,
off the summer's edge and drown me.
We're betting on our own lives, making up for all the time we lost.
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades
(one breath, one step could knock it all down)
but you lead with your eyes and you give it away
(decide, design to cut from the clouds).
When the people you love get lost in the shuffle,
(when you leave, you leave nothing but broken hearts)
you let it go and then you fold.
So we stay on the open road.
We drive for hours and still no end in sight at all.
Driving in your car, miss the stop sign, fall in love, just to get knocked out.
Pull your punches and burn with your cigarettes.
Pulled like a punch and burnt like a cigarette?
forever.
SeaFoamGreen87: well uh...
SeaFoamGreen87: bryan and i are...
SeaFoamGreen87: sortta uh...
SeaFoamGreen87: going out now.
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: oh
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: my bad
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: haha
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: i didn't know
SeaFoamGreen87: it happened like 3 hrs ago
SeaFoamGreen87: lol
SeaFoamGreen87: ur the 1st to know. u should feel special
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: i do!
SeaFoamGreen87: haha
xThreeSmpleWrdsx: i am going to go brag to everyone
FedeDelCuore: GAHAHAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FedeDelCuore: shit
FedeDelCuore: are you serious!????
FedeDelCuore: WHEN!!!!!!!!
FedeDelCuore: WHERE!!!!!!!!
FedeDelCuore: HOW!!!!!!!!!
FedeDelCuore: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SeaFoamGreen87: what?
FedeDelCuore: BRYAN!!!!!!!!!!
FedeDelCuore: AHHHHHHHHHHH
SeaFoamGreen87: oh ya.
SeaFoamGreen87: hehe
SeaFoamGreen87: hey. guess what?
ChaoticJade6396: what?
SeaFoamGreen87: Bryan and I are going out. :o)
ChaoticJade6396: ooo
ChaoticJade6396: ow ow
ChaoticJade6396: when did this come about?
SeaFoamGreen87: yesterday
SeaFoamGreen87: :-P hah
ChaoticJade6396: i told you you guys should go out.. weirdo
SeaFoamGreen87: hehe
SeaFoamGreen87: everyone did
ChaoticJade6396: you weird
SeaFoamGreen87: hahaha. thanks
Geminigrl140: so what have u been up to?
SeaFoamGreen87: I'm taken of ... two days
Geminigrl140: huh?
SeaFoamGreen87: non-single
Geminigrl140: thats what i though
Geminigrl140: thought
SeaFoamGreen87: yup
Geminigrl140: bryan?
SeaFoamGreen87: yup
SeaFoamGreen87: :-)
Geminigrl140: i was scared you were gonna say no
Geminigrl140: hah
Geminigrl140: then i'd be super suprised
Geminigrl140: who asked who out?
SeaFoamGreen87: uhh... it was.. mutual?
SeaFoamGreen87: he didnt ask, but i said yes
Geminigrl140: and you said it would never happen im happy 4 you
SeaFoamGreen87: haha. thanks
Geminigrl140: i can't believe u didn't call me
SeaFoamGreen87: sorry?
SeaFoamGreen87: :o\
My computer isn't dumb anymore! I can use it without it lagging like an idiot! :D Yar!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Falling Away With You - Muse
I can't remember when it was good
Moments of happiness elude
Maybe I just misunderstood
All of the love we left behind
Watching the flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find
So I'll love whatever you become
And forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun
And I feel my world crumbling
I feel my life crumbling
I feel my soul crumbling away
And falling away
Falling away with you
Staying awake to chase a dream
Tasting the air you're breathing in
I know I won't forget a thing
Promise to hold you close and pray
Watching the fantasies decay
Nothing will ever stay the same
All of the love we threw away
All of the hopes we cherished fade
Making the same mistakes again
Making the same mistakes again
I can feel my world crumbling
I can feel my life crumbling
I can feel my soul crumbling
And falling away
Falling away with you
All of the love we've left behind
Watching the flash backs intertwine
Memories I will never find
Memories I will never find
[all I want is an apology]
Monday, June 21, 2004
Book of Lud: A Heap of Broken Images
V. Bridge and City
Geeze... I have so much to say.. but I can't/way to lazy to put any of it into words.. and I don't remember much ne ways. Well... you know what I mean. (i think)
So I'm really bored. Since I've been home I have read my Stephen King book, my relatives came over, read my SK book, went to my moms band concert, read, slept, read, took senior pictures, i'm going to Luther league @ 7 (i hope), & did I mention I have been reading this really awesome Stephen King book? Well.. I will tell you about it. So I have been addicted to this book the last few days.. on the ride to and from Dorian (the camp i was @ for a week, in case u didnt know) I read it.. so I'm pretty far. Somewhat over half-way, that is. page 419 of out 588. Its the 3rd in this series "The Dark Tower" .. its so awesome. The 6th book came out on hardback reciently and the 7th is coming out this year too.. but it will be about a year until it comes out on paperback. O well. Well, its awesome.. so thats probably why I've been so out of it lately. When I have problems/conflict in my life.. I read a lot more & as you can tell i've been reading a lot. hehe. Books are amazing though... they throw you into another dimention, another life, another reality... so I don't have to deal with mine.
Well, I havn't seen any of my friends since i've been home. (Cindy and Sara are both gone on vacaton) It feels werid too. Like I'm totally distant from the world. blah, I should probably get out. I was going to today but... well, this morning I woke up at about 1030am, ate some food, did stuff & read until about 2. cuz i had to take a shower and get ready for my senior pic at 3. Wow... Senior. I can't believe it! But I do want collage to come. :) I want to get involved and make new friends and meet charming males (ha!). And I gots luther league in like 2 hours or so. I'd rather go to barnes and nobles.. or something. I don't even know. Hmm.... so I'm a lazy bum... and... I don't want this week to start. Being really busy this summer is gonna be poopy (even though I keep saying I want more hours at work. whats with that?) ... yet being busy is another one of the things I do to "keep my mind off of" things i don't want to fret over.. or whatnot.
@ Dorian I roomed with Jenny (awesome kid! Yar, friend!), & she talked about her boo back home, Jon. It was really cute & of course I didn't mind, but I also felt like I had someone to come home too.. and I don't. And it made me sad. I guess I just like the feeling of someone to love, & love back. *sigh* I'm such a dumb mushy dork. *shakes off the feeling before getting too emotional* Well.. It was just strange.. talking with Jenny. Because we shared many many stories... and guess who all of my stories were about. Yea. So of course it was strange.. and it was like a whole rememberance (is that a word?) of past memories.. a past life, I suppose. "She shines, in a world full of ugliness. She matters, when everything is meaningless. Fragile, she doesn't see her beauty, she tries to get away. Sometimes it seems that nothing is worth saving. I can't watch her slip away. I won't let you fall apart.. I won't let you fall apart.. I won't let you fall apart.. I won't let you fall apart. She reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by.. hoping someone can see. If I could fix myself I'd.. i'd.. But its too late for me! ... I wont let you fall apart. I was like you." ... wow that was weird. That song suddenly came to my head.. I hope I got the lyrics right anyways. Very odd.. havn't you ever gotten that? An old song suddenly poppes into your head. I havn't listened to that CD in months. It was NIN by the way "the fragile". Good song.. good CD "Still". Well... I'm going to go look for food yet not eat anything. The lesson for the day is: Instead of pondering life, read a book.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
http://buddyhead.com/music/bestof2003/
This website is frickin hillarious. They dissed my emo bands *sniffle*, but its too funny to care. They did give a good word for some of the bands I like too ;o) Others here are just funny reviews. Enjoy :)
Godspeed You Black Emporer! - Lift Your Skinny Fists like Antennas to Heaven
This is like listening to an orchestra of sex with a big bag of coke shoved up your ass. Throw this bad boy on and get comfy.
Radiohead - Kid A
On the eve of this release, this band made everyone believe that Jesus Christ was going to leap through the speakers with a bitch on each arm
and for some people he did.
Radiohead - Amnesiac
The rumors preceding this album were actually partially true. Was Radiohead sitting on a more "by the book" rock record? No. But were they sitting on material even more superior to that on "Kid A"? Yes.
The Mars Volta - Tremulant e.p.
These guys have long hair, carry purses, and bust it in Spanglish like Gerardo used to. "Punk Floyd" it is!
The Flaming Lips - Yoshi Battles The Pink Robots
These weirdos are tripping balls so hard, they're singing about pink robots and karate shit. Hey doc, we'll have what they're having.
Eminem - Marshall Mathers LP
Interscope
Slim Shady told everyone to suck his dick and that he wanted to kill his wife. In return he got rich.
Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
Just when you thought the emo hybrids couldn't get any worse, all those kids who bought Promise Ring records and DIDN'T sell them for Zeppelin records or drugs, started bands even wimpier and wacker than Promise Ring. This crap is fruitier than Richard Simmons swimming in a pool of Hawaiian Punch. Behold... nu-emo!!! Start listening to this shit regularly, and Saves The Day sounds like Slayer.
Audiovent - Dirty Sexy Knights In Paris
Nu-metal started to feel threatened in 2002, and gave its best effort to re-invent itself. They got the rappers "singing", gave everybody haircuts straight outta "That 70's Show", and dressed the fools up in thrift shop t-shirts to make them look "happening". Oh, and just for good measure, they signed anyone who was remotely related to members of Incubus.
Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls
Mall punk was everywhere in 2002. Thanks to Blink182, we have 7,892 cute and cuddly bands whose music videos look like Saved By The Bell episodes. Silly, cute, safe, and goofy good times for the entire family! With Hot Topic accessories no less! Punk Ruuulez! These bands are the reason that punk is deader than Sid Vicious
Thursday - War All The Time
You turn your back for 5 minutes, turn around, and there's a gazillion kids latched onto this mall-emo crap, and now everywhere you turn this 8 foot tall, gap toothed mongoloid is whining about his life like a 4 year old girl who lost her favorite Barbie. It's amazing to think how when Thursday recorded this album, and that whiner was in the vocal booth, besides the other tone deaf mutant band members, there had to be at least a producer and maybe two engineers in the room when these kids shit out these horribly fruity and out of key vocals onto tape. And you know one of those guys probably said, "Ummm... well... you see... I think you're a bit out of key there... maybe we should try another take? Or we can just fix it in pro tools here with auto tune." To which the entire band had to reply, "No, it's perfect. It doesn't matter that he sounds like a crying grade school girl that's reading her diary out loud, and our backups sound like we're being raped by a 7-foot tall black man. You see... we actually like it that way, and in the scene we come from, people actually want to hear this kind of shit." I'd give a million bucks to be a fly on the wall in that situation just to see the confused look on the producers face while he pondered that concept.
Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar
Just to double check, I looked up the word "pussy" in the dictionary, and found this:
Pus-sy / poosee/ n. (pl. ies)
1. a cat. (also pussycat) 2. the vulva. (coarse slang, usually considered a taboo use) 3. the singer of dashboard confessional.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Dancin on the corpses ashes.
Blah. Thats about it folks. I don't know what I'm doing, or why I feel how I feel... but maybe things will get better from here. I've hurt and I hurt. And my feelings are confusing as usual. I think that Bryan and I are just friends (so please stop harassing me about it), it will make things easier.
Well I'm going away for a week, miss me! :) I'll have fun though.. it will be nice to get away from all of the everyday crap. ya kno. I still havn't packed and I'm leaving tomorrow at 7am & I have work 2-6 and then cindys graduation party. oops. I took the ACT for the 2nd time this morning.. how stressful. Blak.
So yesterday the whole posse was @ Jills playing DDR, and we were all sweaty and such (+ it's really hot outside) so we wanted to go swimming, but everyone in Tinley that had pools had some kinda conflict not letting us go to their pool. So we went to Lansing to swim @ Bryans. & after an hour car ride (damn traffic), we were in his misquito infested yard swimming. Later some of his friends came over. Jeremy, Jason, Brett, Sam, & Noel. It was funny because Bryan and I knew all of them but they were like "who the hell are you?". I know Noel doesnt read this so i can talk about him if i want to. + I don't really care. I havn't seen him in.. a month, so it was sorta like "huh?" "what the...". Yar... dot dot dot.... dot..... dooooootttttt...... *makes farting nosie* stinky. :) hehe. I'm a dork. So anyways, i got the balls to talk to him. Thats my story lol. I left you in crazy anticipation didn't I. hehe.
So I really really want this computer in my room. I'm the only one that uses it, my brothers is in his room, and we have wireless connection. So poop. All I do is listen to music/DL music and talk to my friends. I don't like who-ever being able to come downstairs and stare over my shoulder.
... feelings.. nothing more than feelings... trying to forget my... feelings of HATE! Imagine... beating on your face... trying to forget my... feelings of HATE! hehe. thats actually some really old song of couse they say "love" instead of hate.. but in the Offspring song "Feelings", they changed it up a bit.
So... my phone just rang and I opened it and it just.. stopped. Ya, maybe someone hung up ... but it doesn't even say "1 missed call". hmm.
... dum de dum... I'm glad I'm going away... away from alll of this .. work.. scheduling lessons.. friends being mushy... boys. But you know what sucks? When I come back from this camp thingy... everythings just going to be thrown into motion. Marching band starts, I start giving lessons, I'll have more hours at work. Just poopy.
I hope I havn't turned into Ed Lesniak.. I think I said last night that I need someone cuz I get lonely. lol. I don't want to be one of those ppl that need a boyfriend. Cuz I'm not all pathetic and stuff... I think. Well, I'll just blame it on all of my friends having boyfriends. Well not all of them do.. but I'll blame it on them anyways. :)
Aren't these colors getting ugly? I was trying to do a shade of red, a shade of blue.. but it just got gross. Well.. so I'm gonna go cuz I got work soon (blah, hopfully it will cheer me up) and to stop tortuing you with these colors.
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Facebook me!
Pandora Radio
"Gray would be the color.. if I had a heart"
"Die young and save yourself"
"And she whispers into the mirror...(I'm broken)"
"You don't see me at all"
"We don't want the loonies taking over"
"You say you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed"
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love, sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way, of what I feel I really needed to say"
"We're just blind pilots, in strange planes. Back seat drivers, in dead cars"
"Counting bodies like sheep (go back to sleep) to the rhythm of the war drums
"
"I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel"
"I'm just tired of counting bodies, is this mausoleum tardy? Let's just paint you a pretty face"
"You are no good. Cause I know you can`t sleep, til you know your overbearance makes me creep"
"Your the good things. Yeah thats you, yeah thats you, yeah.
"No matter what we say, no matter what we think, we will never, will never leave this room. What are we going to do about this?"
"When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet"
"Tell all the boys and girls from school, to keep breaking all the rules, to let their parents know their anger"
"Squirming through cuts in a throat. Cut it! Cut it!"
"Cut out my eyes to spite my heart, wish for sleep but never stopping, assignments pile up. "
"Any fool can easy pick a hole. I only wish I could fall in"
"Never leave
me paralyzed, love. Leave me hypnotized, love."
"Dancing on the corpses' ashes"
"Here I am expecting just a little bit, too much from the wounded. But I see through it all and see you."
"Now we're all the terminal cases, but were so determined to thrive. And those with defeat on their faces,
are those that we must keep alive"
"Chemicals will hit you. Chemicals will knock you down"
"Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours. She even poked the holes so I can breath."
"So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Apparently nothing. You don't see me. You don't see me at all."
"Do you remember that when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did."
"I'm gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me"
"A million nights in my silent room. I wanna learn all the right words I never knew. The saddest things I put you through. I got to hold you soon I'm asking you."
"Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."
"I'm comfortable apart, it's all written on my chart, and I take what's given me most cooperatively. I do what people say and lie in bed all day, absolutely horrified, I hope you're satisfied."
"She ate me up for breakfast, she screwed me in a vice. But now I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"
Stuff I like:
90 Day Men
A Perfect Circle
Alkaline Trio
Anathallo
Armor For Sleep
At The Drive-In
Audiovent
Barry Manilow
Bear vs Shark
Blink-182 [the newer cd]
Brand New
The Bravery
Brazil
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Cake
Cave In
Coheed and Cambria
Coldplay
John Coltrane
Cursive
Miles Davis
Deftones
Dream Theater
Dresden Dolls
Duke Ellington
The Early November
Elliot Smith
The Faint
Fog
From Autumn to Ashes
Further Seems Forever
Gerry Mulligan
Gladiator soundtrack
Glassjaw
Godspeed You Black Emperor
Goo Goo Dolls
Heartland Jazz Orchestra
David Holsinger
Gustav Holst
Incubus
Interpol
The Junior Varsity
Ken Burns Jazz
Kenna
Kenny Garrett
Theodore Kerkezos
The Killers
Luca Brasi
Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mr.Bungle
Mum
Murder By Death
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Nine Inch Nails
Norah Jones
The Notwist
Oasis
Offspring (old)
Opeth
OSI
Perfect Circle
Pinback
Psapp
Q And Not U
Radiohead
Sahara Hotnights
Sevendust
Sėgur Ros
Smashing Pumpkins
Spoon
The Stills
The Strokes
Taking Back Sunday>br>Tenacious D
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
Tori Amos
The Unicorns
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
~Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"This is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse.
~ C.S. Lewis
Gigging Proverb: The more you drink, the less we stink!!
"If you want to keep a friend, never criticize his family, religion, politics, or intonation."
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what the..??
