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Sunday, August 24, 2008
I swear, I feel like I'm in high school again. Parents yelling at me? That is sooooo teenage years. Well, it still makes me feel like I'm a teenager. Getting all moody and depressed. Thats probably why I came to this blog thing. Remind me of the not so great times, high school. Don't get me wrong, I did love high school but I was so damn depressed most of the time. I felt "so alone" and awkward. I really did feel alone, really alone. When you cry to yourself and have no-one to really open up to (except the person/people who made you cry of course). Thats why it's good to have really awesome friends, or a guy who won't make you feel like shit (Patrick).
An ex-boyfriend of mine got married this month. I'm not sure what to think/feel. I don't really care, but the reasons for his marriage are bogus. He's changed since I've dated him and thats ok. And I realized a long time ago it wouldn't have worked out anyways.
Someone near and dear to me asked me the other day, "so, when do you want to get married?" Wah? Wasn't sure if he was taking about us or in general. I just kept saying "you've got to be kidding me, you didn't just ask me that" as we were walking to a friends place. Looking back, what he really meant to say was "when in your life would be a good time for you to get married. What are your plans?" Not, "when do you want to get married?" It was kinda funny. But kinda awesome. I asked him, "married to you?" And he said "well... yeah.": Thats kinda awesome
(I'm glad this ended well)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
My recital is over
It's sunny
ONE WEEK LEFT OF SCHOOL
summer officially in 15 days :)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Ok. Deep, calming breaths... because I'm FREAKING OUT!!!! My recital
is one week from today and I SUCK. I suck, I blow chunks, I sounds like
shit, I can't get any runs, I'm nervous as hell, and I sweat. I shake,
get cold, sweat, and mess everything up. I've been working on the
Ibert for over a year and I sound like complete shit.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
During every rehersal with Patty and Nolen so far I've wanted to cry.
I almost did today and I feel like shit. I just want to curl up in a
ball and die. Or practice. But can I do either? No. I'm in this shit
hole of a computer lab (actually it's really nice) becasue I have a
paper due tomorrow. Tomorrow. Horray for me. Oh, by the way, thats
what I did Tuesday too. I took off work AND spent every bit of time I
had up until 1am writing ANOTHER paper that was due today. GAH! It's my
own fault because I procrastinated, but what the hell. Why did I
schedule my recital during such a shitty time. This sucks.
I complain, which is stupid. And people are like "you'll do fine" and
I'm like no I won't. If I were them I'd say the same thing. But, I
want them so say, wow you're so busy I can't believe it. You work
yourself too hard. Take it easy and calm and you're recital will be
great. Even if you make mistakes, just keep chugging and don't think
about it."
I guess thats what I shoud say to myself.
I am so stressed and freaking out. Also, I have to praactice for the
JAZZ FESTIVAL that is TOMORROW!!!! There is still stuff I suck on and
I'm the lead for christ's sake. What the hell.
Ok for my sake:
10 music history
11 lesson
12-2 WS
2 quartet w/ nolen
3 eat??
4 Symp winds
5-7 work jazz
Practice JAZZ & recital stuff
tomorrow will suck too. I was supposed to go out with people I work
with for the first time on Wednesday but I had homework that I did
until midnight. Thankfully I got to see Pat. I've feel like I haven't
seen him at all this week. Oh man it's already thrusday... So,
Saturday, jazz fest like all frickin day. Sunday, 9AM work with c&i
group for a project due TUESDAY, 2-4 work with nolen and patty, 5pm
meeting, then probably more c&i because it's going to take
forever. Then on Monday I have a double reeds playing test, a
percussion written and playing test, music history listening quiz. Wed
I have a music history exam. Holy shit. Life really sucks right now.
And even after all this shit, there is something going on every
weekened until school gets out (or until after commencement). What is
crazy is that school WILL get out soon. About a month. crazy. I hope I
don't slack, which I am prone to doing. I'm not doing so hot in music
history or mostly, georgraphy. Ugh. I just need to study more, but I
hate doing that too.
Whatever. I need to write this damn paper. I'll put on Pandora and hopfully it won't take long (not)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
So, I had work today. 11am-3pm. But, they held me until four, but I didn't mind. I did mind that by the time I ate and got home it was almost five. Lame. I have an SAI sleepover tonight. I hope that goes ok and I'm not bored. I mostly hope that I'm able to fall asleep. Is it sad that i'd rather be drinking?
As for now, I'm just sitting around waiting to go over there I guess. It's 6:30 and the thing starts at 7, but I don't really want to be the first one there. I've heard several people say they were going to be late. Yet, I don't want to go over there when it's dark or cold. Also, lugging bedding to Tri Towers is going to be pretty funny.
Well I called pat and we're going to eat I guess, even though I'm still full from "lunch" at 4pm.
tata
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I really need to do my laundry.
Currently listening to: IllinoisBy Sufjan Stevens
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Aw man, I'm so annoyed. Here I am, in the library on a computer trying to register for summer and fall classes and it's (of course) bogged down. I only have until 3pm to do this, then I'm going to the store and then work until like 11pm. I want to register now, in case those summer classes get filled. I doubt that my regular music classes will be full though, so I'm not worried about that.
*sigh* anyways, I had a lot of fun in Jazz band today. Julie kept drawing pictures of our section and it was hilarious. We also drew one of Marko. Then at one point she called Diggs a Hawaiian hick because he was wearing a plaid shirt (and he looks Hawaiian, or is, I'm not sure). Hilarious. Also, the last note we played in rehearsal Teater squeaked horribly and Julie and I found that hilarious too. Good times.
I had Geography this morning. I have a test on Thursday and I only started studying a little. Bah hum bug. I have work tonight and I still need to study for a listening quiz tomorrow morning. Then Wednesday after a bunch of stuff and I get done at 9pm, I have to study for Geo. Which is a lot of material too. Blah. One good thing is that it's Pat's birthday on Friday, so hopefully that will be fun. And I have some SAI things this weekend that will hopefully be cool. It just seems that in these last 1.5 (woo!!) months, I'm bogged down with a bunch of papers and projects. Speaking of projects, I need to meet with my C&I group to get some crazy video thing done. I think it's due soon, and some stuff on livetext is due in that class. I don't like papers. At least they aren't research papers, they are more observation and personal thought.
iCampus is loading so freakin slow. The bar is half way and I bet it will tell me the server si down once it actually works. poop And there is no way around it. I mean, there are no other programs or even like a person I can talk to to register. I'm thinking of going to another floor, but I don't think that would work since it's all the same server (and icampus is the one that is slow, not the computers).
Lets see, what else can I jab on about. Oh! My recital is soon. AH! I don't know.. I don't really feel worried but I am worried because I know I should be worried... does that make sense? I haven't looked at my soprano piece in a while. I really need to work with Patty because the music is crazy to line up (constant time changes). And it's all over 8 (3/8, 5/8, 7/8, etc). It's tricky. The music isn't too hard, just some breathing issues and a few altimisso notes that I probably won't play haha.
I can't believe I'm actually getting somewhere with icampus. It's uber slow. I've been waiting it to load about 2 pages and it's taken 10 minutes, and I'm not exaggerating.
Well, screw this, it looks like I'm not going to be signing up for classes today. I'll do it after I get off work I guess... so lame
Oh, PS. http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/ is awesome!! I looked at some teachers I was going to take over the summer and found out they are really hard. So, I am taking from the teachers who are, aparently, really easy (as long as you go to lectures and labs). You know, giving "free" points if you show up and do some easy lab work. I'm taking Microbiology and Society, by the way. Also some theater and film class. That teacher wasn't on this site which was weird, but it's a theater class, it must be fun!
alright, icampus is having me start all over again. I give up.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Holy shit! I can't believe that this blog is still alive. I guess I never deleted it so here it is, just hangin' out. So, the reason I searched long and hard to find this thing is because I was reading some stuff I saved on my computer from way the hella long time ago. When I was all depressed and whatever. Those were some trying times. In retrospect, I was insane. haha Well it's not that I was insane, it's just that I was almost gullible and not in a good situation. I aparently hated myself, was confused and lost all the time, and really depressed. Well, honestly I do remember it, but not completely until I read those entrees. I bet some of them are still on here, not that I want to spend 3 hours of my day just to do that.
But anyway, I think I might start writing again. It's good to get shit off your chest etc. I could use an outlet for my frustrations. Like for example, the amount of work I have to do. Right now I have a C&I paper, C&I group project, C&I paper on observations, a Geo test, Music History paper, and practicing for my recital to work on. Phew. How daunting. And I'm so lazy and slow. I hate doing homework and when I think about all the things I have to do I get discouraged and upset, so I don't do anything. Like right now, It's sunday and it's almost 1pm and I've done nothing except recover from a hangover.
On the upside of all this, I had a good night last night. I went to Brewhas with Pat and some of his friend and actually had a really good time. Maybe I threw back a few too many, but it was fun. AND I haven't spent the money that I aim to save. Since I give lessons, I get some mad cash and usually end up spending it. I have saved the amount I wanted to this week!! And I've decided to put it in an empty kleenex box so that I can't see it and count it every time. haha
Well, I'm going to study for Geography. chow
Thursday, February 22, 2007
"Anyone do a lot of drugs? It just doesn't look the same the next day"
-Dr.Feurzeig on using the amazing slow downer to transcribe music (saying that if you transcribed while on drugs, everything you write will be half-speed)
"You are the fastest sperm!"
-Dr. Aduonum trying to convince us that we (as sperm) fought to be here
"Where will the saxophone be in 20 years? Maybe it will be a planter"
-Boitos (planter, as in a pot for a plant)
What are some things that come to mind when you think of India?
"An excellent film"
- Katie Bryan
"If it's not perfect, it sucks"
-Dr Marco
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
March 8th, 2006
He was playing with an army band and he was the guest soloist. And the guys in the band were mad because they never get a chance to solo and they don’t like civilians. So between sound check and the concert, they stole all of Boitos’ reeds. He was really pissed off. He looked out the window and saw a sign that said “Music”. He ran down the street. The guy was just closing shop but he let him in. The guy only had Rico reeds. Boitos was like, God dammit. He bought a box of the hardest ones they got which were 3.5 haha. Then he said at the concert his A’s sounded like you were punishing a squirrel and his D’s sounded like you were to cut off something very important to the squirrel. Hahaha He was really pissed.
March 1st, 2006
(Puts on Jewish music with a crazy clarinet) I always wanted to be a Jew. I went on gigs at churches with my mom and I told her, "mom I want to be a Jew'” Because they have the best music and the best food. And she said "no, you can’t do that."
And then he continues to dance and laugh. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen!
February 24th, 2006
(during Quartet)
#1 Boitos: Whats the different between a gay guy and a choir boy? The way they say A-men!
#2 (He was talking about how we should play our piece to make others happy and to have more energy)
Boitos: Make the pope hard!
I almost died in shock!!
February 15th, 2006
#1 I'm sick so I was sniffing a lot during my lesson and it obviously sounded gross.
Boitos: You sound like you're snorkeling! *makes nasty gargling sounds* Here comes a big wave! *gargle gargle*
# 2 During quartet: Your reed sounds weak, washed up and old! haha It belongs in Los Angles!
February 1st, 2006
#1 Boitos: You want a gum ball?
Me: It has an eyeball on it. Is this from Halloween?
Botios: No, my wife knows I like them so she buys 3 or 4 bags of em' at a time. (chews a few) I'm obsessed with these things! I normally never put less than 4 in my mouth at a time! I don't even want to know what my teeth look like!
#2 I was playing my piece by Bach and it is an eighth note = 60 so I was having a hard time. There is a repeat that basically repeats the entire piece and I asked him if he wanted me to take it and he said sure not knowing how much it repeated.
(after I was done)
Boitos: I didn't realize that the repeat was that long. I wouldn't do any of those repeats. (a few seconds later) Har har har har har har!!! There you are, huffing and puffing away, 18 and in your prime while I'm smoking 5 cigarettes a day and it's a breeze! You will know when you get your chops when you can play the Sarabande and Gigue all the way through without stopping.
January 25th, 2006
[makes this really gross grunting noise] Oh sorry about that. I had this really spicy sandwich this morning.
Me: For breakfast?
Boitos: Yeah, har har har, I guess it was a bad choice.
November 29th, 2005
#1 I hate Thanksgiving but this year was great! I didn't have to go anywhere! Moms** in Colorado, daughters with her own family, and my wife when out of town. You know why I hate thanksgiving? I had to spend 20 years visiting satan's demond's relatives houses all across the world! Ugh! My x-wife was a singer. A soprano. She was a Fasolati. *chuckle* Know what that is? *chuckle* She was really into solfege but she couldn't get past me! Do, re, me, me, me, me, me!! *har har har!!*
#2. When I started, I played clarinet because they never let you start on sax. And I had a metal clarinet and man was that a whore! (<- me) It was loud & ranchy. Man, I would give anything to have that thing back again.
#3. (Todd told me this one) Well whoever pulled that fire alarm should be hung by piano wires!
**: His mom is 95!!! lol He said once he'd still be recording if his mom wasn't still alive. He also said today that he used to practice so much because he wasnt happy. Negative reinforcement. But once he met his current wife, he stopped practicing because he was happy for once. awww
November 15th, 2005
I go crazy around Thanksgiving. I order all of this ham, and beef, and turkey, and roasted ham. Oh, I'm drooling just thinking about it. It's coming in on Thursday in by FedEx. Thats my favorite truck ... because that means food!!
November 1st, 2005
(talking about how I should find and emphasise the one root/main note in each measure)
Look at the tree, not the forest.
October 25th, 2005
(after showing me altissmo notes)
Everyone need to learn to play them because there is a lot of saxophone pieces with altissimo in it. An old friend of mine is an amazing Jappaneese composer that write a lot of altissimo. Actually... were not really friends.. *chuckle* Well, so we were in a Korean bar, and we were totally smashed. Everyone sounded like *some indescribleable noises that kinda sounded like clicking words* and I couldn't understand any of them. So, I was telling my friend that my heath has been bad when he asks me if I have ever drank my own urine. *chuckle* So, I laugh and laugh. Then he tells me "No, I'm in this group (or something), and we believe that drinking a little bit of our urine once a week keeps us in good health". So I'm still laughing, and I say "So, thats why your so yellow!" *chuckle* But apparently he got really offended because when I was at the airport leaving, he was talking to me about what friendship really is. I though he was talking about someone else, but I relized later that he was talking about me. He used to be a really good friend. I havn't talked to him in 20 years, and it is virtually impossible to now fix that relationship because of the distance.
September 20th, 2005
(talking about how I should tap my feet when I play):
You know if you got frostbite and you had to get your foot cut off, you'd just have a stub, you wouldn't be able to walk. Even if you only loose your toes, most people still can't walk right. They have to get prosthetic toes.. or some kind of special shoes. (pause) So tap your foot.
September 13th, 2005
If you play something for a long enough time slow, eventually you'll just be able to play it fast. Its like one day you're a little girl, the next day your wearing deodorant! Weooa!
October 4th, 2005
Boitos was telling me that if I played a hard part in any music for a long enough time I wont have to think about it while playing. He said that if you need to think while your playing a piece, then its not ready. "It should be like walking because you don't think while you walk. But for now it's like your an infant. Little Heather go boom!"
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Yea, I got Xanga.
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=saxygreentomatoes
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Pandora Radio
"Gray would be the color.. if I had a heart"
"Die young and save yourself"
"And she whispers into the mirror...(I'm broken)"
"You don't see me at all"
"We don't want the loonies taking over"
"You say you read me like a book but the pages are all torn and frayed"
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love, sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way, of what I feel I really needed to say"
"We're just blind pilots, in strange planes. Back seat drivers, in dead cars"
"Counting bodies like sheep (go back to sleep) to the rhythm of the war drums
"
"I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel"
"I'm just tired of counting bodies, is this mausoleum tardy? Let's just paint you a pretty face"
"You are no good. Cause I know you can`t sleep, til you know your overbearance makes me creep"
"Your the good things. Yeah thats you, yeah thats you, yeah.
"No matter what we say, no matter what we think, we will never, will never leave this room. What are we going to do about this?"
"When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet"
"Tell all the boys and girls from school, to keep breaking all the rules, to let their parents know their anger"
"Squirming through cuts in a throat. Cut it! Cut it!"
"Cut out my eyes to spite my heart, wish for sleep but never stopping, assignments pile up. "
"Any fool can easy pick a hole. I only wish I could fall in"
"Never leave
me paralyzed, love. Leave me hypnotized, love."
"Dancing on the corpses' ashes"
"Here I am expecting just a little bit, too much from the wounded. But I see through it all and see you."
"Now we're all the terminal cases, but were so determined to thrive. And those with defeat on their faces,
are those that we must keep alive"
"Chemicals will hit you. Chemicals will knock you down"
"Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours. She even poked the holes so I can breath."
"So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Apparently nothing. You don't see me. You don't see me at all."
"Do you remember that when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did."
"I'm gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me"
"A million nights in my silent room. I wanna learn all the right words I never knew. The saddest things I put you through. I got to hold you soon I'm asking you."
"Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces."
"I'm comfortable apart, it's all written on my chart, and I take what's given me most cooperatively. I do what people say and lie in bed all day, absolutely horrified, I hope you're satisfied."
"She ate me up for breakfast, she screwed me in a vice. But now I don't know why I feel so tongue-tied"
Stuff I like:
90 Day Men
A Perfect Circle
Alkaline Trio
Anathallo
Armor For Sleep
At The Drive-In
Audiovent
Barry Manilow
Bear vs Shark
Blink-182 [the newer cd]
Brand New
The Bravery
Brazil
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Cake
Cave In
Coheed and Cambria
Coldplay
John Coltrane
Cursive
Miles Davis
Deftones
Dream Theater
Dresden Dolls
Duke Ellington
The Early November
Elliot Smith
The Faint
Fog
From Autumn to Ashes
Further Seems Forever
Gerry Mulligan
Gladiator soundtrack
Glassjaw
Godspeed You Black Emperor
Goo Goo Dolls
Heartland Jazz Orchestra
David Holsinger
Gustav Holst
Incubus
Interpol
The Junior Varsity
Ken Burns Jazz
Kenna
Kenny Garrett
Theodore Kerkezos
The Killers
Luca Brasi
Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mr.Bungle
Mum
Murder By Death
Muse
My Chemical Romance
Nine Inch Nails
Norah Jones
The Notwist
Oasis
Offspring (old)
Opeth
OSI
Perfect Circle
Pinback
Psapp
Q And Not U
Radiohead
Sahara Hotnights
Sevendust
Śgur Ros
Smashing Pumpkins
Spoon
The Stills
The Strokes
Taking Back Sunday>br>Tenacious D
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
Tori Amos
The Unicorns
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
~Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"This is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse.”
~ C.S. Lewis
Gigging Proverb: The more you drink, the less we stink!!
"If you want to keep a friend, never criticize his family, religion, politics, or intonation."
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