Godspeed You Black Emporer! - Lift Your Skinny Fists like Antennas to Heaven
This is like listening to an orchestra of sex with a big bag of coke shoved up your ass. Throw this bad boy on and get comfy.
Radiohead - Kid A
On the eve of this release, this band made everyone believe that Jesus Christ was going to leap through the speakers with a bitch on each arm… and for some people he did.
Radiohead - Amnesiac
The rumors preceding this album were actually partially true. Was Radiohead sitting on a more "by the book" rock record? No. But were they sitting on material even more superior to that on "Kid A"? Yes.
The Mars Volta - Tremulant e.p.
These guys have long hair, carry purses, and bust it in Spanglish like Gerardo used to. "Punk Floyd" it is!
The Flaming Lips - Yoshi Battles The Pink Robots
These weirdos are tripping balls so hard, they're singing about pink robots and karate shit. Hey doc, we'll have what they're having.
Eminem - Marshall Mathers LP
Interscope
Slim Shady told everyone to suck his dick and that he wanted to kill his wife. In return he got rich.
Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends
Just when you thought the emo hybrids couldn't get any worse, all those kids who bought Promise Ring records and DIDN'T sell them for Zeppelin records or drugs, started bands even wimpier and wacker than Promise Ring. This crap is fruitier than Richard Simmons swimming in a pool of Hawaiian Punch. Behold... nu-emo!!! Start listening to this shit regularly, and Saves The Day sounds like Slayer.
Audiovent - Dirty Sexy Knights In Paris
Nu-metal started to feel threatened in 2002, and gave its best effort to re-invent itself. They got the rappers "singing", gave everybody haircuts straight outta "That 70's Show", and dressed the fools up in thrift shop t-shirts to make them look "happening". Oh, and just for good measure, they signed anyone who was remotely related to members of Incubus.
Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls
Mall punk was everywhere in 2002. Thanks to Blink182, we have 7,892 cute and cuddly bands whose music videos look like Saved By The Bell episodes. Silly, cute, safe, and goofy good times for the entire family! With Hot Topic accessories no less! Punk Ruuulez! These bands are the reason that punk is deader than Sid Vicious
Thursday - War All The Time
You turn your back for 5 minutes, turn around, and there's a gazillion kids latched onto this mall-emo crap, and now everywhere you turn this 8 foot tall, gap toothed mongoloid is whining about his life like a 4 year old girl who lost her favorite Barbie. It's amazing to think how when Thursday recorded this album, and that whiner was in the vocal booth, besides the other tone deaf mutant band members, there had to be at least a producer and maybe two engineers in the room when these kids shit out these horribly fruity and out of key vocals onto tape. And you know one of those guys probably said, "Ummm... well... you see... I think you're a bit out of key there... maybe we should try another take? Or we can just fix it in pro tools here with auto tune." To which the entire band had to reply, "No, it's perfect. It doesn't matter that he sounds like a crying grade school girl that's reading her diary out loud, and our backups sound like we're being raped by a 7-foot tall black man. You see... we actually like it that way, and in the scene we come from, people actually want to hear this kind of shit." I'd give a million bucks to be a fly on the wall in that situation just to see the confused look on the producers face while he pondered that concept.
Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar
Just to double check, I looked up the word "pussy" in the dictionary, and found this:
Pus-sy / poosee/ n. (pl. ies)
1. a cat. (also pussycat) 2. the vulva. (coarse slang, usually considered a taboo use) 3. the singer of dashboard confessional.